learn to love yourself
by krazy-chic-4-ever
Summary: Olivia has not loved herself for a long time now. But, in order for someone to love her, she has to love herself first. Will Olivia let him in or not?


Learn To Love Yourself

Chapter-one

Title-How it started.

Disclaimer-These characters are not mine.

Claimer- the extra characters plot lines, and the titles.

A/n Olivia has not loved herself for a long time now. But, in order for someone to love her, she has to love herself first. Will Olivia let him in or not?

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Here is were my story begins. I was ten years old taking care of my Mother. I did not know what was going on with my mother at the time. All I knew was that my mother was a drunk. There was nothing anyone could do about it. I tried everything I knew to do but nothing worked so I gave up.

When my mother would get drunk, she would beat me black and blue. I cooked my own food, washed my own clothing, and went to school by myself. I dependent on one self to be my own care provider. I could not count on my own mother for the things I needed. I was the one who took care of her and her needs.

Me, all I wanted was love from my mother. Is that too much to ask? I would do anything to get it no matter what it took. I did not want to see her suffer like that; it hurt me to see her like that. Even if it meant tattling on my own flesh and blood. But, I was afraid to do so. I could not betray her like that.

It was only getting worse and worse. It was Monday time for school. I got off school around one in the afternoon; got up around four-thirty in the morning. First thing I did was check on my mom to make sure she had every thing. Then I checked on her again when I got home to clean up her vomit. Then I got down to doing my homework to keep up my grades Even though it was hard to do so, because all the stress in the home.

I hated being a very dysfunctional family, which had no values what so ever. I was determined when I got older I would not be like my mother. I was going to be a good mom and make sure my family had every thing it needed like a dad. Until this day, I believe there is true love. I am ten years old but I know it is out there some were.

It was May of eighty-four three months before my birthday. My mother kept on getting worse and worse. It got to the point were, I was missing excessively too much school. Not only was I embarrassed but also, I was afraid none would like me any more including my best friend Emily.

The school started to get increasingly worried about me, because I was a very good student. What I did was go and get my homework, brought it home did it and brought it back. It was finally a week before my birthday. When I found out that I was born out of rape. I did not know what to do with myself at this point in my life.

I would cry myself to sleep every night afraid that the same guy that raped my mom would come back and haunt me in my dreams. Then when I got older the same would happen to me. I thought I had done something wrong and it was my fault. I got very sick over the weeks from all the stress and not eating. I just refused to eat I did not see the point in it.

The teachers noticed a change in my mood, behavior, and I was losing weight fast. Each time they tried to confront me about what was going on, I got hysterical and ran off. They wanted to help me but I would not let anyone in, not even my best friend. They suspected abuse but they could not assume without probable cuss.

They were too busy to deal with that. The only way is if I brought it to their attention. If someone had a problem or they saw something, they did not like. About a month later, the police were called out to the Bensons' home. They were called for a domestic disturbance call from their next-door neighbor. The police came out at two in the morning.

"Go get the door you bitch!" My mom told me with a loud tone. I went and got the door and the police were standing before me guns and uniform.

"May I help you officers?" My mother asked the detectives.

"Is this the Bensons' residence?" detective Collins asked my mom.

"Yes, what can I do for you?" she questioned the detective.

"I got a domestic disturbance call from one of your neighbors." Detective Collins stated towards Serna.

"Nope, nothing happening here." she said.

"Thank you for your time." she said.

Two months went by before the police were called out again to our home again. This time they were not so nice as the last time. I was getting increasingly scared as the seconds went on, not knowing what was going to happen to mom or me.

"Ma'm, next time we came out we are arresting you." detective Branch said. "We are also taking your daughter into protective custody."

She just rolled her eyes at the officers. She slammed the door in their face, which I thought was extremely rude of her. They were trying to help. I ran upstairs, slammed the door, and locked it behind myself. I thought they were going to take her away from me. Even though I would not mind it would give me a break from the beatings. They would put me in a foster home. Then I could be loved be someone. I did not even know what love felt like, but I knew it had to be good.

I lied on my bed and wept until my pillow was soaked and I could not weep anymore. I was so tired of being tried. I was tried of my mom hitting me. I was tried of crying, and all in this hate in this god-forsaken world.

As the days went by, I got increasingly depressed more then I was weeks ago. I myself even starved myself hoping that would get me more love. I was hoping a super hero like super man would come rescue me from this place and from the wicked witch. Who not only got drunk but also did not give tickers damn about what happened or me.

The same thing repeated itself three months later. The cops were back out at our place of residence. They were plain mean this time. They kicked the door down because they were tried of the calls and complaints.

"Serna Benson you are under arrest for child abuse." They said when they read her rights to her.

"No, mommy!" I screamed as I ran up to the officer and started punching and kicking. She grabbed me and just held me tight. For once in my life, I felt safe, loved. Like someone gave a damn about me. She told me I am safe now no one can hurt me now that everything was going to be okay.

I gave up struggling and just relaxed and started to cry in her arms. I just laid my head on her shoulder. She carried me to her car and buckled me up. She took me to her place of work. She started to ask me questions I just remained silent.

"What's your name Hun?" she asked me hoping I would answer.

"I am hungry," I stated to the officer.

"Ok, when is the last time you ate?" detective Sierra asked me.

"Not for a week." I had a sad look on my face.

"Has your mom been starving you too?" she questioned in a serious but endearing tone.

"No, I just didn't eat." I answered her.

"Okay, honey let us get you something to eat." she said. "Is Del Taco fine?"

"Yes, anything is fine." I said because I was extremely hungry and I have lost too much weight.

We stopped off at Del Taco, went inside, and ate. Detective Sierra called captain and told him that we stopped off to get something to eat. "We are stopping, at del taco," she told him. When we were done, we left and went to the station house. We got to the station house in about twenty minutes. She took me by the hand and took me into the captain's office.

I hope you like and review.

Butterfly heaven.


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